The Millionaires Club

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From: LP12

and I'm not a f f fan of this wireless keyboard. I'ts as if the brief was: let's make this keyboard as

bad as possible then sell it cheap. OK I only paid a fiver for it at a yard sale, as the americans say, but still. The owner should have bought a decent wireless keyboard. It's a bit like how they sell shyte diesel (and petrol to some extent) why don't they just make all diesel good fking diesel, that would be better for the planet surely. But no, they sell bunker fuel levels of diesel so if you want 'standard' diesel you have to pay 1 huros 75 for the fking privalidge, for one litre !!
But going back to this am's tale, it involved the fictional character played by myself, Arthur Oscar, getting up very early yesterday, boxing day, and proceeding with a half-baked plan to swap out two woodburners.

He (Arthur Conan no Doyle Oscar) went ahead, quickly demonting (taking apart) one woodburner before even finishing his second flask of coffee. All seemed to be going well for our hero, even without a serious fire since early xmas eve the temperature was still showing 13 degrees thanks in no small part to the curtian-like levels of insulation steps installation painstakenly hung up over the preceding months in preparation of such a winter. (and including the patio door that now leads into the barn from kitchen - big improvemnet!)

As the am rolled by, much like the cigarettes on tap, the new behemouth cast out of norvegien iron, Jotul began to literally take shape and Oscar Arthur Me decided on a new tack, to not put any air tight wadding in the joints, saying to himself, fukc those joints let's be havin' you in the style of famous cook of norwich Delia Smith. Let's be having you I roared at the inert lump that would, if all went well, soon burst into fiery life to shed heat as well as warmth upon cousance and the environs.

This history contiunued for some time although was far funnier and far more detailed as I outlined what I was doing around 26 hours ago. The world had to know, it was clear, the world needed to know the current heating situation and evolution chez Athur never could spell it no Askey not Qwwerty.

And so to fast forward a bit, I got the Jotul assemembled and then lit. Was there a draft? was there bolox. And the fire just went out. There was a wobble on the top plate but I put it down to 'dark forces acting against me' and decided to ignore it. I felt the best course of action was to go to bed for a pm siesta.

Rising with the earth's rotation somewhat advanced in relation to the centre of the solar system - 3 hours later at a just getting dark 5pm I came downstairs to see a cat clinging to the miniscule retained heat output of the Jotul, some deep memory within the cat's brain telling it that this object was supposed to be warmer but that somehow this was better than nothing.

I passed the evening looking at the 140 kilo heap of cooling cold iron and begrudged the fact it would need to be completely stripped and have refractory cememt applied to all panel joints. I passed many hours like this looking at the iron clad, knowing that if I stripped it down and applied the morter it would be set sooner, so much the better to enjoy a heater as 2025 contineud to slowly wind down and enter the books of history, much like 2024, 2023, 2022 etc. had done.

Somehow I couldn't be arsed to get out the chair and begin the whole process. I was all just too much.

On top of this I have neglegted to mention what I did in the wiped history written earlier, I'd discovered the glass of the front door split in two pieces, thanks to my careless stacking when I took it apart to instal the 'Chappee' woodburner last month. This sad highly annoying discovery had tempered [no pun intended] my mood for fireplace engineering shenanigans somewhat.

The wobbling top plate did niggle however. Was something warped, had I put it together wrong? As some kind of comprimise I resolved to find a bucket, a trowel and a mixing whisk etc, and at least 'prepare' for the work to come, and then alighted to my bed around midnight. The lounge temp by now about 11. (This is as far as I'd got in the no not arthyur conan doyle oscar retelling)

So, an up to date memoradum appendium to add >>> temp 10degrees. After having had that post wiped I went back to the fire. I removed the round top cooking hot plate and using my phone's torch shined the light into the body of the fire, sure enough, the top plate wasn't seated on the body of the fire, there was a big gap, and so little wonder I hadn't been able to light it.

I lit the fire again, an easy task considering the two logs from last night were still in there and had been almost calcified to coke in the oxygen-free enviroment. The draw was much improved, the fire has taken, and the cats are now once again back at the foot of it (the Jotul Black Bear) I've thrown a 3rd log on top and will see how it goes. It will come apart and be properly sealed but not today//// (this was written on the wireless keyboard))))))))))))))))

I think the chappee is an excellent fire, really good, art deco meets calorific output in a small footprint package, but it's just not quite got the sustained higher output required here when -4 outside. The wood I bought recently, it's ok, but not dense enough and so it's either frequent reloading or get cold. en fin bon this was not a history about my actual life it was a history in the vein of escapist romance novels centered on wood buning choices in life, and so i'll save the technicals for another time. Suffice to say, a shovel of good coal and you'd be happy with the refractory brick lined chappee. And a 50sq meter room that was at least 'closed' you could live with it and logs, but logs and an open room, and not oak, but lighter hornbean/ash, no the chappee has to go back into storage. The experience of swapping the fire's out would have been fine and dandy no harm done, but harm was done by the glass breakage. Still the glass was badly pitted so did need replacing ... in a way!!!!!

Also, while I'm at it, the chappee is a great 'base' to use as supply for a big mass of bricks the smoke can go into. That's still a plan, but as ever the actual location of the fire is critical and as it is nothing is settled (after 5 years) I'm using the oil fired central heating flu, and perhaps should relocate the wood burner to the other side of the lounge and rebuid the chimney that side where they removed the top of it when they had that side of the roof done, because, assoles. The gases output the jotul at a lower temp so no good in that way. Jotul is standalone, chappee can feed a mass, where heat from the escaping fire gases can be stocked and slowly released.

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I DON@T BELIeve it. 2d long post in three days wiped by this fuking keyboard. Losing ... [more]

LP12